Potatoes and Ramen

Bah, stress sucks.

2005-12-04T20:54:00.000-05:00

The show is coming along really well. Tech was yesterday, and I had to fill in for Becky since she was doing something else. Wasn't that big of deal. Only 3 scene changes (not including preset) but they're all really prop-heavy. I'm a little upset that Brian's wedding has interfered with me not being able to do opening night and second night, but that's how it goes. Sometimes I think this wedding is casuing more problems than it's worth.

I'm also really stressed out from all the stuff I have to do before the last day of classes. Presentation for Social Ethics (due Wednesday), 8 page final paper for Social Ethics (due next Monday), Cyberspace online professional portfolio (due next Tuesday), 42 posts each on this blog and the class blog, and 20 page essay for Non-Fiction (due next Monday). Luckily all I have to do for study days is study for Spanish (my final is on the last day, December 22nd, at 8am) and write a maximum 10 page paper for Evolution (due December 19th or earlier). It's going to be a rough couple of weeks, espeically with the show sucking 4 hours out of my life every night.

My worries don't exist.

2005-12-02T15:31:00.000-05:00

Snow! Snowsnowsnow! Not that I really love snow, but it's good to have snow on the ground when it's December. 60 degree weather doesn't make the word "winter" concrete, snow does. So, now I know what time of year it is. I could do without the wind that makes my face frozen.

The DestructOFest essay is coming along. About 2 pages into it and I already hate it, but that's how most of my essays go. The beginnings suck and the conclusions suck. The stuff in the middle is generally really good.

In other news I took a shower today for the first time in 6 days! And it felt so good. I should think about doing it more often.

Then, now, and hanging on.

2005-11-30T16:20:00.000-05:00

It's hard to deal with my boyfriend's past. I don't like hearing about it because I wasn't a part of it. But it's especially hard to deal with the girls he's been involved with: either friendly or romantic. Some have tried to keep in contact with him, which I don't mind. And I know that I've been bitchy toward a few, and that has kept them away from him. But why should I keep them away? It's his decision, not mine. If he wants to talk to them, he will.

One girl in particular blames me. She's afraid to speak to him because she thinks that I will "berate" her. Yes, once I did attack her, telling her I hated her and that I don't like her interacting with Chad. It was a mistake. It's not my choice to tell her if she can and cannot talk with him, it's his. Recently I've been staying out of the drama between them, allowing them to work it out. And apparently Chad hasn't been speaking with her, yet she still blames me, saying she doesn't want to continue on leaving him messages because of me. She says that they were so good together as friends, and she can't understand why someone would give up on that (her and Chad's relationship). She tells him he can't live his life alone and he can't live it allowing the few people in that he does.

It makes me laugh, because it's as if she knows him still. It's as if she knows exactly what is going on in his life. He's alone? She couldn't know that. I'm here for him whenever he needs me, he is never alone. And he has his parents and his friends. He's not alone. And as for the fact that he "gave up on" their friendship, well, people change, and so has Chad. Maybe he didn't "give up", maybe he just realized the friendship wasn't exactly the healthiest or best friendship he had and he didn't want it any more. Maybe there were things she did that ended it.

I know these two were close at the end of high school. I know she "has dibs" on him because she's known him longer. But I've gotten a lot closer to him than she ever was, and while he's pushed her away, I've remained. I know she's made mistakes that might have cost her their friendship. I've made mistakes, too. But when it comes down to it, I'm not the one that made the decision to end the friendship: he did. I'm not the one that made the mistakes that helped him make the decision: she did. I wish she would realize this. I wish she would realize she can't continue to blame me for the reason he's not talking to her. Maybe then he'd come around and talk to her again. But maybe not.

Dial 595 - Escape

2005-11-26T02:13:00.000-05:00

Break has been pretty good so far, I suppose. Been staying up late and sleeping in. But it's just what I do when I'm home. Or anywhere for that matter.

Wednesday I went to see JennyFur, which was nice. I missed her. I met her new puppy Diego. He bites hard! And has to wear a diaper. We watched some movies and ate dinner and I got picked on by her dad, which is nothing new.

Thanksgiving was all right. Grandma came over, which is always a pain. Can't hear for shit, but we dealt with it. Took dad an hour to get her 'cos the roads were so bad and he couldn't see. Food was good, but the turkey gave me bad gas. I took an hour nap between dinner and pie, and after pie Grandma left.

Today I basically watched TV and waited to hear word from Chad about DestructONation stuff. Apparently things didn't go so well, but things will be better tomorrow. I'll be there. I can't wait to see him. Even if I do have to get up at 8 in the morning to do so. Bastards.

This rage will never go away.

2005-11-23T02:26:00.000-05:00

Right now I'm sitting in my bed, wishing I had more than two pieces of French toast for dinner. Emily let me out of rehearsal so I got home around 5. I've been avoiding going to sleep. Not sure why. Being home sort of depresses me, but I love my parents and my dog. I didn't miss being cold all the time. For my "I in Culture" paper I've decided to write about DestructOFest. I will have more than 20 pages worth of material. I don't know if I want to write about the history of it or if I just want to leave it at DOF. Everything on the Chad front is good. Of course there are the problems. And as for the drinking, I've been avoiding dealing with that shit at all. Not much remembered from the previous weekend. I was drunk, I smoked pot and then whoa, I'm throwing up all over the kitchen table. "Sixteen dimensiosn later..." Woke up on the couch. Sleeping in a corset isn't fun.

I'm ready for bed. Maybe.

Lovely lovely rainy day.

2005-11-16T14:59:00.000-05:00

So I wrote my 2000 word essay for Non-Fiction on Trivial Pursuit. I can't help it, I'm obsessed with the game now. Too bad it only came out to 1500 words. But at least I wrote it and got it into her last night. I didn't feel so bad about being absent Monday. And not only that, but Social Ethics was cancelled! And rehearsal, too! But I'm still going to see the showing of The Mikado, just so I know what it's about. May as well show up if I'm going to be considered for anything. So today has been pretty good, not as long as normal.

Sickness sucks.

2005-11-15T11:52:00.000-05:00

For a week my neck was in extreme pain, just aching and not being able to move without hurting. I thought I had just slept on it weird on Sunday night since I was a little drunk. Friday night my head started hurting a lot more and my stomach was hurting quite a bit. I thought nothing of it, my stomach hurts a lot. Neil was over and I had a bunch of sugar so I was shaking all over and couldn't sit still. Saturday, Chad and I went to the mall to get a dress. I got a dress but things went less than smooth after that. When we got back, we went out and bought Trivial Pursuit.

We played until midnight, when I started to feel worse. Not only was my head hurting like hell, but my body was extremely cold and my face was burning up. I started to get scared so I called my mom. She was concerned because she thought I might have meningetis, so she was going to come over and take me to the hospital. She called my doctor, and my doctoar said that I had the shot for meningetis, so it most likely wasn't that, it was probably the flu.

So Sunday my mother came and picked me up, and I went home. My head and stomach hurt like no other. I stayed all of Monday and came back last night, in time for rehearsal. I was feeling much much better. After rehearsal, though, I started feeling crappy again. So I went to sleep and slept for 9 hours. Ugh. I still don't feel very good, but that could be because I'm hungry.

I just want to feel healthy again. >.<

Disasterpiece.

2005-11-10T11:19:00.000-05:00

God, yesterday was a disaster. Not only was I crying for two hours, but Chad and I got into a huge fight. I mean, these things happen, but on his fucking birthday. Damnit, I'm terrible.

So, the day started out with some information I didn't want to know. Or at least finding out that someone thinks something that isn't true. And I was having a good morning, too! After that, I forgot my Non-Fiction stuff in my room, and we were writing.

During Social Ethics a kid in my group started yelling at me, telling me I was "making excuses" and not listening to his "grievences". I of course started crying. He was yelling directly at me, and that's scary in any situation, especially if it's a big dude. My professor went after him and talked with him, and then talked with us. The kid apologized, which I'm grateful for, but I just kept crying.

When I went to register, I realized I only had two classes that I wanted to take. The other ones that I'm even slightly interested in either conflict or aren't being offered. So I'm basically screwed for next semester right now. And I wanted to talk to my mom., but I couldn't get ahold of her. I wanted to vent to her instead of to Chad. So when Chad called I started screaming at him and he didn't want to deal with it.

So after rehearsal we got into a big fight and I was crying and it was just a mess.

Also, my neck is still killing me. And I still want to talk to my mom.

"I didn't know 'oscar' was a verb."

2005-11-09T11:57:00.000-05:00

The read-through went well last night. It only lasted two hours, then we played Trivial Pursuit. "Nuns holding babies!" Of course we had Kim on our team, and so we won. It was close, but that's 'cos Kim kept giving the other team hints.

My neck feels like it did after the Dark Tranquillity concert: agony every time I move it. I'm not sure why it's like this. The past couple of days it's been bad. I guess it's the way I've been sleeping on it. Don't know why, though. I guess I've been sleeping pretty crappy, too.

So Monday night I read pretty much the whole book for my book report, and then for two hours on Tuesday morning I wrote the damn thing. Six pages double-spaced. It was crazy. But it got a good reception in class, so I guess I did a good job. Then, before rehearsal last night I wrote my Social Ethics paper. A two page piece of crap. But that's what he gets for not explaining the purpose very well, so ha.

Today is Chad's birthday. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't have a present for him, and I feel like crap. Something was brought up in Cyberspace today that really upset me. I was having a pretty good morning until that. But whatever. I have classes 'til late, and then rehearsal. I feel so bad about not having anything for Chad. Right after Social Ethics I think I'm going to run down the hill and get something for him at the store. God, I'm a terrible girlfriend.

The end and the beginning.

2005-11-09T09:53:00.000-05:00

The show ended. Strike was uneventful, except for Joella getting greasy water all over her hands. Cast and crew party was fun, shots of vodka and Blackhaus went around. Pictures posted later. Tonight is the read-through for the Odd Couple. I'm pretty excited. The cast is going to rock, I get along with every one of them. Later, I need to write a paper for Social Ethics. I'm tired and cranky.

Birthday and Halloween.

2005-11-01T14:00:00.000-05:00

So my birthday came and went, and it was pretty uneventful. Chad gave me a Fall Out Boy CD when it turned midnight and a couple days later my Dry Kill Logic CD arrived in his mail. On Thursday I checked my mail to see I had two packages. One was full of Halloween candy (chocolate and gummi bears) and the other had cards and a present from my parents in it. I LOVE the MP3 player. It's my new favorite thing to play with.

The show has been good. Opening night sucked. All the light cues were completely messed up. The second act was a disaster. A lot of scene change cues are blackouts and, well, the blackouts weren't happening. I remember seeing Natalie on stage with a really confused look on her face because she was so confused as to what happened with the lights. As soon as we found out all the lights were fucked I started crying. I felt like it was all my fault, even though I knew it wasn't. Joella held it together for the rest of the show until the end and then she started crying. It was terrible. I guess what had happened was Joel was doing some stuff with the remote on stage and he recorded some things into the cues. It was extremely depressing, but the following show did awesome and so did the matinee yesterday.

Last night I went to the Cheney/DeGroat joint costume party. I went as SuperGirl, but no one really got that or asked who I was. It was pretty boring until the Peter Pan group showed up. A bunch of the theatre kids went as the cast of Peter Pan. It was awesome. Stephanie was Wendy, Jess Mac was Tinkerbell, Anita was a mermaid, Jill was Tiger Lily, Steve was Peter Pan, Mike was the shortest Captain Hook ever, and Josh was Rufio. It was awesome. Angelos was supposed to be Smee but he couldn't get the costume together on time. Dan and another girl showed up as well.

After that we went to Kevin's to show him the costumes. Good thing he didn't notice half of them were from the costume shop and prop room. After that we went to Josh's and watched "Hocus Pocus". It was awesome.

Erg.

2005-10-27T12:36:00.000-05:00

I haven't been writing much, but it's because not much has been going on. It's late right now and I should be sleeping, I have a long day ahead of me. And it figures my birthday falls right on my longest day this week or ever. I'm probably going to pull a 12+ day again on Wednesday. It doesn't really matter though.

Someone hacked into my mom's credit card. I've been doing over 12 hours of sleep a night lately. My legs hurt, but I don't know why. A couple essays due in the next few weeks that I haven't even started. Everyone's going to forget about me again.

I really miss my parents.

Stressed?

2005-10-18T16:59:00.000-05:00

I'm starting to look at what classes I'm going to take next semester. Right now I only have three. Three. I'm so screwed. I don't want to take senior seminar yet (doi, I'm not a senior), and the intership I want to wait on to see if Julie can figure something out for me. Otherwise, I'm stuck with Rhetoric, Experimental Creative Writing and Spanish 202. I really want to die. I should probably start working on my Theatre minor, but I need to actually get that changed. I'm excited but scared.

In other news, October Break is over. I slept for about 12 hours today. Chad's room is a mess and I am feeling really sick. I hate sitting up, I just want to curl into a ball and go to sleep. Problem is, the longer I sleep for the rest of the day, the less sleep I'll get tonight and tomorrow I am screwed because I have 6 hours of classes non-stop AND "Sweet Charity" stuff to do at 6. I really want to die right about now.

Also I have three essays due in 2 weeks and I haven't started on ANY of them. I'm really not in the mood right now, but with theatre starting up, I'm not sure what to do. My birthday is in a week, I'm going to be 20 and old. At least feel old. In the 1800s 20 was middle-age for people like me.

Back to bed.

Thursday, 6th of October.

2005-10-10T17:18:00.000-05:00

I still had a ton of drugs left over from when Jordan and Colleen and I smoked, so I asked Mickey if she wanted to finish it off with me. I went to 11 Pleasant around 6 and got started with the smoking and the drinking. Teddy was there, and he took a bunch of grav hits, so did Mickey and Ashley. I don't like grav hits, so I was using Colleen's bowl. Between 6 and 8 I had at least 5 bowls to my face, 4 hits to each bowl. By the time the Simpsons were over I was fucked up, but not from alcohol (I only had 2 beers in those 2 hours). I was so fucked up I couldn't move, I just sat there watching the TV.

I ordered some DP Dough and ate that watching the girls play beer pong. I played a few games but I wasn't doing too good due to the pot. We kept losing, so I sat out while two other girls came over and started playing. I watched in a zoned-out stupor. Around 10 we headed out to Brian's. The walk was cold because I was wearing a skirt and a tee-shirt and no jacket. We got there but the party was pretty dead. Everyone was sitting around watching TV. Someone was out on a beer run. I was too stoned to really think, and I just wanted to go back and go to bed.

I was about to walk out the door when someone handed me and LL a beer. I opened it and started drinking but it was LaBatt's and nasty shit. I only drank about half of it. LL found some joints in her purse so we went out back and smoked that, which was pretty bad. By the time we got back inside I was sick of being at the place so I just walked out and back to my dorm.

I waited for Chad to get back from P-Chem and chatted online with Neil and Jordan. I was sick of them, so I went to bed. Chad knocked on the door and I let him in. I was feeling so weird and fucked up, but it was nice because it wasn't alcohol fucked up, it was pot so I was very relaxed and calm. We layed in bed for a little bit, and for some reason I felt like a number sign (#). The way I was positioned was sort of in the shape of a number sign. So I blurted this out and Chad found this extremely hilarious. (I'm not sure he'll ever left me live it down.) Also, there was something about lava, but that's sort of muddled and weird.

We moved down to his room and I fell asleep while he studied for a test for the next day. LL called around 2 to see where I was. Hey, at least someone cares. Just lately I don't feel like a fit in with them all that much. When I get messed up I don't want to hang out with them. Which sucks because they're cool people. I just sometimes wonder if they care about me.

Friday, 30th of September.

2005-10-10T17:05:00.000-05:00

Four of my suitemates from last semester moved off campus to an apartment, and we made plans so I could see their house and see them. We met up at Mark's pizzeria and walked to where they lived. The house is nice and pretty big. They have high ceilings, which is really nice. I hate cramped living spaces, but I need a small place to study in. We talked for a long time, and around 9 we started drinking Vodka and playing asshole. Carrie (who wasn't playing) and Alecia didn't know how to play, so Cassidy and I taught them. The ended up being the asshole most of the time and it's hard to learn how to play and also be asshole, so Cassidy and I switched being asshole. (Most of them time we were either President or Vice President.)

After we went into Cassidy's room and she and I smoked a couple bowls and got ready to go out. She made me wear this really low-cut shirt of hers which showed up my huge boobs like no other. I felt sort of self-conscious, but I was slightly drunk and stoned so it didn't really matter. We left around 10:15 and as we were walking some guy was yelling and cheering at us from a porch. So in my drunken fashion I screamed "Stop leering at us and go fuck youself!" and threw up my middle fingers. No one has a right to do that to us.

We got to the party but it looked dead so we doubled back and went to the one on Lincoln. That one was also dead and the beer sucked. We went upstairs to the black light room and no one was up there except a full keg. We had a keg to ourselves. Except the beer was nasty so we drank like half the beer in our cups and left. We walked around downtown for a while and it was filled with drunks. We ate some pizza and went back to their house. I was so full I could barely move.

I walked back to the dorm sober but full of food and feeling so uncomfortable. I fell asleep unmoving, but this time from being stuffed, not from being incoherently drunk.

Thursday, 29th of September.

2005-10-10T17:00:00.000-05:00

Things were pretty uneventful. There was supposedly a mixer between two fake soroities, but that was cancelled because the members of one were trying to recover from drinking earlier in the week. So we ended up just hanging out at 11 Pleasant. We played beer pong which I am terrible at and just hung out. I signed their pong table and left around one while they were leaving to go to Katie's. This was forever ago, so I don't really remember what happened.

Censorship.

2005-10-07T14:05:00.000-05:00

I'm having a hard time keeping death out of my writing for Non-Fiction and even for the NeoVox article. I want to expand from the whole woe-is-me-I-lost-my-best-friend-and-2-grandfathers-oh-boo-hoo aspect into other parts of my life. But I can't seem to find anything interesting. I got a B on my first Non-Fiction essay (and I wrote it while drunk), but I thought it was crap. I can't write well about things from my past that doesn't deal with the death of someone. It all seems so trivial compared to losing people that I loved most in the world. I don't see the point in writing about childhood friendships and "Winning and Losing" and the weather. They don't shape our lives as much as death. They didn't shape my life as much as death, at least.

Fuck you, pig.

Friday 23rd - Sunday 25th of September

2005-10-02T18:40:00.000-05:00

That weekend was crazy. All right, half crazy half mellow, but fun nonetheless. The Monday before, Colleen IMed me, letting me know she needed to get out of Buffalo and was coming to visit. Jordan decided to visit us, too. And Neil, at the last minute, came home with Colleen. That Friday, at 3, Jordan showed up, and half an hour later Colleen and Neil showed up. While Neil and Chad went to get food, Jordan, Colleen and I made some errands. First, to the bank. Then to the grocery store. Last stop: liquor store. Jordan picked up some tequila for Colleen and vodka for me.

We got back to the dorm and hung out for a bit. Neil decided we should go looking for dead animals, so we took a bus to West Campus. There were no animal corpses around, but we found a playground. For about an hour we swung on the swings, found big sticks to break or bend and had cartwheel contests. The bus came back so we ran to get it and went back to the dorm.

Around 9 we decided to go out into the country for some illegal activities. After an hour of driving around to find a good spot, Colleen, Jordan and I went into the woods while Chad and Neil waited by the road on lookout for cars. Only once did a car go by. A little while later, we came out of the foods feeling very good. Neil drove us home because I didn't think I was in any condition to drive. (Of course, we all knew Neil was waiting for it. He's been waiting to drive Animal ever since I told him he couldn't.)

After we got back to the dorm, Colleen and I drank our liquor and we all watched "But I'm A Cheerleader", an extremely fucked up movie. Not long after we were all getting sleepy, so we went back to my room and passed out to "Office Space". The next morning Jordan and Neil left because Jordan had to work and Neil wanted to hang out with his brother. For the rest of the day, Colleen, Chad and I watched Family Guy and other movies, then went out to dinner to A&W. (Good, cheap food.) I ordered a Bacon Cheeseburger and they gave me a regular one, though they charged me with a Bacon, which is 50 cents more than the regular. I was pissed, but they gave me what I actually ordered, which was nice.

We went back to the dorm, Jordan showed up, Colleen and I drank some more, then Chad and I went to my room while Jordan and Colleen wrestled on Chad's bed. (A little weird, but cute anyway.) About an hour later we came back and bugged them. Jordan left, I drank some more and played some DOA. Around 2 we went to sleep. The next day we drove around trying to get Colleen's flat tire fixed. A nice guy offered to help her, even though it was Sunday and his garage was usually closed. Extremely nice of him. She got it fixed and left.

Thursday, 22nd of September

2005-10-02T16:49:00.000-05:00

It was pretty crazy, though any night spent with the girls from 11 Pleasant is crazy. I went to their house first, hanging out and having a few beers. I made a kick-ass mix of rum and coke for Gen, and we had a heart-to-heart. Around 10:30 Ashley drove us to Clayton for Brain's birthday party. Of course, no one remembered my name, but I was none too surprised. At first things were cool. I met some new people and even talked with a girl I met last semester. Mickey and I danced next to the beer pong table and watched them play. The lines for the bathroom were mad short so that was cool. I talked with a kid called Andy and probably freaked him out because I was pretty drunk and he wasn't. I played some card games, but it's hard to play with drunk people because they never pay attention.

At around 1am I was feeling extremely weird. Up to this point I was nice and drunk, the night flying by. Suddenly, at 1, my mind started to become aware again, and time started to crawl. I sat on the couch staring at the clock, watching it go from 1:15 to 1:20. I didn't feel very good so I went outside to get some fresh air. As I walked to the street, I realized it was raining. I called Chad and started walking back to DeGroat, telling him to come outside because it's beautiful and I wanted to share it with him. I could feel myself becoming emotional, but I kept from crying because I knew once I started I wouldn't be able to stop.

We met out back of DeGroat and walked around campus a little bit. After we got back to the dorm, we went up to his room and fell asleep. It wasn't a good sleep though because I kept tossing and turning. I woke up the next day feeling fine and excited about Jordan, Colleen and Neil coming to visit that day.

New hobby.

2005-09-19T15:47:00.000-05:00

As of late I've taken a liking to flipping people off who don't stop for me when I am crossing the street. I want to consider this a bad thing, but hell, I don't get revenge on stupid people enough as it is. Just be lucky you didn't hit me, otherwise I'd sue your ass. If I didn't die.

Jam band 101.

2005-09-18T22:23:00.000-05:00

After about 8 hours of reading (and still not getting it all done) my phone rang with Neil on the other end. "Hey, we want you to come sing in our band." Uhm, okay. Too bad my voice is lost because I'm sick. "Can you play bass? Keyboard? Drums?" No. "Can you play anything?" Flute. For 9 years. I took a 3 year break, though. "Then get over here as soon as possible."

An hour later I'm sitting in an overheated room with Chad (guitar), Neil (drums) and Jason (keyboard), attempting to play bass, trying to follow along with Chad's fingers. Of course, my hand is too damn small for the bridge and I can't use the pick, so I'm reduced to plucking the large strings with my finger nails, hoping the annoying sound coming out of the speakers to my right isn't mine. But it is.

We end up breaking down, everyone jamming away to their own beats. We switch things around. Neil on guitar, Chad on bass, Jason on drums and me on flute. And it actually sounds good. Neil records it, the three boys playing a steady beat while I have a "solo". Nervous. Really nervous. But hell, it's a lot better than singing with a voice that cuts out at mid-range.

Jordan eventually shows up and we're all owned by him. Fucking genius with a guitar. Four hours after I showed up, we left, tired and happy that some sort of a metal band is coming into play.

Anatomy of a sore throat.

2005-09-17T07:39:00.000-05:00

Thursday I went to 11 Pleasant again. We played beer pong for most of the night. Otherwise it was a pretty uninteresting get together. I asked some kid if he was "saved" - with air quotes and all. After I got back I was up until 5:30, talking (read: arguing) with Chad, crying for 4 hours. It was not the most pleasant conversation I've ever had with him, but we talked about some things that needed to be discussed. And he got 3 hours of sleep.

Yesterday, after classes, we took a 4 hour nap, then woke up and watched Primary Colors. I loved the movie. It seems I'm more intuitive than Chad was when we watched it for the first time. I turned to him several times and said, "I'm sorry, but I totally saw that coming." And he would say, "You did? I didn't the first time!" I am a girl afterall.

Today Chad is at home helping his dad out with some things. Neil is in LaFayette, too, so if they get together I'm supposedly going to be called and I will drive over to join them. We'll see if it actually happens. Right now I'm going to do some work. I have a ton of reading to get through.

The crowning achievements of the past two days.

2005-09-15T12:00:00.000-05:00

While I haven't been up to much because of reading for classes and keeping myself mentally balanced, there have been a few perks of the past two days.

I saw the talk Seymour Hersh gave on Tuesday. While I was tempted to not even go because of the lack of oxygen in the room and the amount of homework I had, I still went. The kid behind me kept coughing on my neck and sucking his teeth, annoying the hell out of me. But the talk was good. While Hersh kept talking politics, and getting off topic, I gained plenty of knowledge to talk about in my Non-Fiction and Social Ethics classes the next day.

Yesterday, as I was standing outside Chad's room, I let out a large burp. Three people from the room next door asked "Was that a girl??" Yes, my friends, I apparently can burp like a boy. Which might be sad, but I take pride in the fact that in some aspects I act more like a boy than my boyfriend does. (He gets the farting end, though. And he can have it.)

This movie? More like your note.

2005-09-13T12:57:00.000-05:00

So, my father sent me a NetFlix movie in the mail and I received it on Saturday. As I was opening it, a small not from him fell out. He wrote: "This movie is a little wierd [sic]. Love, George". Under it, in pen he wrote "+ Dad". I think I laughed for about twenty minutes. When I called my mom, inquiring about the note, she said that he forgot he was writing to his daughter and accidentally put George instead of dad, so he added dad at the end so I wouldn't be confused. But, in reality, I was even more confused by the addition.

Boo! Booooo!

2005-09-09T15:35:00.000-05:00

It's Friday. I don't know why I'm booing on a Friday, but I am booing so booing it shall be.

Today in Creative Non-Fiction we shared our PostSecret postcards that we were assigned to make. The identities of the authors were, of course, secret, but we passed them around and everyone got to read them. I was a little embarrassed about mine because... well... my life is boring and I don't have any heavy-hardcore secrets. Nor did I have anything funny to say. The rest were insightful and humorous and mine was just plain dull.

On another note, last night I went to the girls' house. It's a really nice place. No porch, but that's okay. I drank a little with them and then went to a birthday party for someone I don't know all that well. I had a few beers there, but it was pretty uneventful. On the walk back home all the alcohol hit me (I haven't been drunk in about 4 months) and I ended up sitting down on the curb and crying hysterically. A cop car rolled by but didn't stop, thank goodness. We got back to the house, I called Chad, and he came and picked me up. It was fun, and good to see the girls again.

I'm lame.

2005-09-08T09:58:00.000-05:00

At the end of the summer, I had high hopes for this semester. I had big plans to make tons of girlfriends like me and just romp around and be completely insane with them. But it seems I've failed. I don't know anyone from my floor, Rachel [the roommate] and I talk but only occassionaly because I'm always in Chad's room, I IM Whitney all the time [happy birthday, by the way!] but hide behind Teddie when I see her in class, I still talk with Mickey and those girls but their drinking has gotten a little out of control for my taste, and anyone else who could be potential friends I've either scared away by being too shy or just not caring.

My stomach hurts right now because I am hungry. I hope Chad's lab gets over with soon so we can go eat. I should really be reading for class, but who wants to read Plato anyway? Fuck the Greeks, though without them I probably wouldn't be majoring in writing because then there wouldn't be an alphabet. I think I'm going to go now. Plop.

You're as welcome as cancer.

2005-09-05T14:27:00.000-05:00

Been a three-day weekend. Not much to say in terms of excitment. Doing homework, playing Morrowind and listening to music. [Matchbook Romance isn't that bad, actually. I should listen to bands before I say I hate them. Pssh.] [Speaking of, I haven't heard from AJ in forever! I wonder what happened to that kid.] Today I have some Spanish homework to do. S'not going to be easy, but I'll muddle through it.

I've got a fever.

2005-09-03T23:24:00.000-05:00

After I got out of class yesterday, I've spent maybe 4 hours total out of the dorm. This could be considered a bad thing, but sitting in front of the TV playing Xbox probably helps my mind as much as going out and drinking hinders it. I've had to solve problems, slay lots of unsuspecting creatures and make lots of money. While this money is only virtual, I'd rather make thousands of that kind than spending all my money on a party and possibly cracking my skull open when I try to slide down the banister whilst drunk.

Contrary to what you might think, I am not against drinking. I've had fair share of nights in the bathroom, yawning in technicolor. I've fallen down, received bumps and bruises and scraped knuckles from places that only the blank parts of my memories know. I'm a belligerent drunk: I kick, scream, cry, fight and cuss more than ever. But this has only been two dozen nights out of a semester. Standing in my bathroom, watching the hundreds kids on Clayton stumble and weave up the hill makes me feel sorry for the them. It's not the fact that they're drunk. It's the fact that they probably do it two or more nights out of a week, every week.

Last semester I had friends who would start drinking on Thursdays at 4 o'clock. Whenever I saw their away messages on AIM it was something like "beeeeeeeeeerssssssssss" or "drinky roo". Once in a while this is okay. Consider me, Saint Patrick's Day 2005: Drunk off my ass by 7 in the evening, before we had even left the dorm to go to the party. We got there, more beer to be had. I met half a dozen people I don't even remember. Came home, passed out in my boyfriend's bed and didn't even wake up when his roommate's drunk friend came in. I didn't throw up that night, but there had been others when I just couldn't handle it.

I'm 19 - almost twenty - I need the experience, need to get it out of my system before I have kids and then resent them because I want to go out but I the have responsibilities of a mother. My parents went out every weekend to bars (one of which is now a gay bar) until they were thirty, which is when they decided to put that aside and focus on having a child (me). This is how I want to do things. After college, when it is actually legal for me, I will embark on dangerous quests such as seeing how many beers I can drink in one night or how many times I can fall down in the span of an hour.

Getting drunk is fun and I like doing it. But for now, I will spend time with quality people and quality video games.

Happy 12 months.

2005-09-01T15:27:00.000-05:00

Today is the one year-anniversary of my relationship with my boyfriend, Chad. Last night I made a psuedo treasure hunt by hiding small 4-line poems around his room, each one indicating where the next hiding spot was going to be. For example, he would find one hidden by the window reading: "Your video games/You like to play/Here is where/Your consoles stay". Then he would have to go to where he keeps his video game consoles and find the next one and so on. The ending prize was a box under his bed which held two DVDs. The first being Vampire Hunter D: Special Edition and the second Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust. He liked them, but I secrectly think he liked the treasure hunt more.

On other notes, it's too damn hot and I hate flat soda.

In keeping with tradition...

2005-08-31T13:22:00.000-05:00

I was up until 3am last night, talking with Chad about some things. Before that we had gone to his house for a birthday party - his nephew just turned five and he had a shit load of presents. I wasn't the happiest camper in the world. I don't get along well with kids, and when they want me to play with PokeBalls I generally want to strangle myself. Chad of course had a blast, wrestling and laughing with someone he only gets to see every few months. So our conversation last night consisted of many things: issues I have with his family, issues we have with each other, problems in our relationship and how to fix or at least help most of these things. We talked about people who have passed on and people who we hope never do. I'd be devestated if I lost either of my parents, I am extremely close to them. In any case, I am tired and cranky. 6 hours of classes non-stop today. Though this one is not as bad as I thought, it's extremely low key.